On August 31, I was dropped off at Wellspring Trail and ready to conquer the world. I had my big pack, my tent, and full assurance that I was exactly where the Lord needed me to be. I was so eager and excited to see Jesus move through the nations. Having friends who have done the Race before, I was so sure that I was prepared for what to expect. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The first two weeks of training camp were probably some of the hardest weeks of my life. I had abandoned every comfort I had ever known. I was sleeping in the middle of the woods, living with 34 strangers, and had no sense of familiarity. I was being stretched in all areas of my life: spiritually, physically, mentally, and relationally. I was beyond exhausted.
About two weeks into training camp, I felt broken. The Lord was bringing things up that I was not ready to deal with. The burning fire I had for the nations had turned into me questioning why I was even on the Race. I felt like I wasn’t strong enough to do this. I began wondering if I heard God wrong and wasn’t actually supposed to be on the Race. I thought that there was no way I would be struggling like this if I was supposed to be here. God reminded me that His desire to move in the nations is just as big as His desire to move in me. He had to heal the wounds in my heart, set me free, and prepare me to go be His hands and feet around the world.
My entire life, I have struggled with crippling anxiety. I can’t remember a day where I haven’t woken up feeling anxious. At training camp, this was one of the big things that the Lord surfaced. He showed me that His heart is for me to walk in complete freedom. Knowing that I can walk in full freedom changed the way I viewed and walked with Jesus. Understanding this truth about Him encouraged me to come out of agreement with the things I’ve claimed over myself and walk fully in freedom. I decided to get baptized at training camp because, for the first time, I was walking in the truth of who Jesus says I am and recognizing all He has for me. As I was in the water, I told my squad leaders,Lucy and Ava, I wanted to be set free from anxiety. They prayed over me and baptized me in full faith that I would be set free, and I was!!! As I came out of the water, I felt a weight physically be lifted off of me. My heart felt light. For the first time in forever, I could breathe. Jesus is just so good!!!!
The rest of training camp, and even now in Malaysia, Jesus is teaching me that His heart is for all of us to be walking in freedom. He is teaching me more and more every day what walking in freedom truly looks like, and it is beautiful. There is no problem, burden, or worry that is too small or big for him. He died for us to be free entirely. There is so much more to life than what is presented. There is fullness and freedom in the name of Jesus!!!
I’ve been in Malaysia for three weeks now, and I have never been more confident in who Jesus is. He is moving, and He is setting hearts free!
Thank you for all the sweet messages and prayers! Please continue praying for Gap M, and that the Lord would bring us even more freedom and unity! Pray over the unreached people. Jesus’s heart is breaking for the people that don’t know Him as Lord. Ask that seeds are planted, and laborers would be sent. The harvest is ripe. Jesus is waiting to set these people free!!
I promise I’m going to start blogging more, thanks for being patient with me!
I love you all so much!!!
Leave a Reply